What Is Love?
by Lost4theStars
Summary: What is love? That is the question Sirius, Lily, James and Remus get asked on their DADA NEWT. How do they answer it? Wolfstar, Jily. Warnings inside. Based on the fanfic Four Essays.
1. chapter 1

**AN: Just a little fun story based off of the fic Four Essays. Warning: swearing and mentioned child abuse as well as mentioned attempt at suicide. LE/JP and Wolfstar! So basically watch out for the wonders of slash!**

 **Disclaimer: The characters belong to none other than J K Rowling (NOT ME) and the plot belongs to the amazing writer of Four Essays, I just twisted things up a bit.**

 **No flames, but please review! Thnx.**

oOo

 _Who made this bullshit question?!_

Sirius frowned, staring hard at the paper.

 _What is love?_

How was _he_ , of all people, supposed to know? And how did anyone get this on a DADA test?

 _I'll bet it was Dumbledore. He has influence in the Ministry,_ Sirius thought sullenly.

He put his quill to the paper, resigned.

 _Wait - the problem is that I don't even know about love._

oOo

This was most definitely Dumbledore's work. Who else would make such a question?

Remus suppressed a smile. He looked over and saw Sirius chewing his lip unconsciously, James staring blankly, and Lily looking like she was about to murder someone. Yes, they had also seen the question.

Remus, however, knew what to write.

oOo

 _Fuck._

That question was staring her in the face.

And Lily didn't know what to write. Or rather, who to write it about.

 _Just answer the question normally, not about a specific person,_ Lily thought to herself.

Easier said than done, however.

oOo

James Potter was stumped.

Love. Who was made to write about bloody love?!

He cast a glance at Lily, whose hair was up in a flaming red bun, and sighed.

Damn him if he didn't know what to answer.

oOo

As soon as he read the essays, Dumbledore found himself very pleased. Four stood out in specific, and he intended to meddle in some matters that teachers really ought not to meddle in.

Love, actually. Dumbledore was planning to meddle in love issues of four bright 7th year students.

So he made his way down to the Gryffindor common room, stopping as soon as he entered through the door.

"I failed," Lily was moaning. The headmaster stifled a grin.

"If it's any comfort, so did I," Remus said.

Sirius Black crossed his arms. "If anyone failed on that last question, I did. I used five different swear words while describing my _dearest_ family and called them 'inbred racist bastards'."

James shook his head. "Nah, mate, I ranted and said I didn't care a shit about the question."

"I'm pretty sure we all flunked that thing," Lily added dejectedly.

"Wrong." Dumbledore said, stepping in with a smile. He had the four mentioned essays in his hand. "You all got Os."

His proclamation left the students wide-eyes and open-mouthed. "And now you will read each other's essays."

"No!" Sirius was the first to object. "No! I won't let anyone read that!"

The two others shook their heads, but James shrugged. "Everyone knows what I put. They've heard it all a thousand times before," he said reasonably.

Remus, however, looked stricken. "That's private!"

Lily was sure she was close to hyperventilating. Even if she hadn't named his directly, her essay was all about James. She couldn't let him read that!

"They don't know!" Sirius pleaded to Dumbledore.

"What don't we know?" James demanded. Remus glanced at his friend, worried.

"You just…it's not…not that important, but…"

Remus pulled him down and while red something in Sirius' ear, to which the latter nodded. After a whispered conversation, Sirius pulled away.

"Okay," Dumbledore announced. "To make this easier, I shall start by exchanging essays between Sirius and James and Lily and Remus."

"That doesn't make it any easier," Sirius muttered into his hands, but accepted James' essay.

oOo

Five minutes later, Lily and Remus were staring at each other with knowing smiles, both slightly red, and Sirius was flinching away from a shouting James.

"YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU BLOODY PRAT!" the bespectacled boy roared.

"You didn't notice," Sirius replied coolly.

"YOU MEAN I DIDN'T WALK IN ON YOU…YOU DOING THAT!"

"James, calm down," Remus said, turning to his friend.

"HE-HE TRIED TO FUCKING--"

"Yes, we know," Sirius snapped. "I would have told you, but…but you'd look at me differently."

"YOU IDIOT!" James yelled, then wrapped his arms around Sirius in a tight hug.

"Uh, J-James, you're going to finish what I meant to do," Sirius wheezed. "Let go of me."

"Sorry, mate." James let go.

"Um, what exactly did you do?" Lily asked Sirius.

"No doubt you'll be getting mine next," he replied, voice slightly bitter.

"Indeed," Dumbledore spoke up, eyes twinkling. "Remus and James, swap. Lily and Sirius do the same."

"This is getting really old," Lily muttered as she took Sirius' essay and handed him hers.

"I KNEW IT!" Sirius cried a few minutes later.

Lily looked up. "I'm sorry, Sirius."

The teenager waved a hand. "Stop being so sentimental, Evans."

"You don't have to act all the time," she whispered to him. For a moment Sirius' eyes seemed to radiate loneliness, but he shook his head and turned away.

oOo

By the time all of them had read each other's essays, four things happened.

The first: Lily ran away from the common room.

The second: James ran after her.

The third: Sirius nearly broke down in tears.

The fourth: four people kissed the person they loved.

But I must start at the beginning.

Dumbledore left the four students as soon as Lily ran away, James pelting after her.

Lily herself had taken off as soon as she had finished reading James' essay because he loved her and she loved him and it was all so _confusing_.

"Wait, Lily!" James called. "What's true?!"

That stopped her. "What do you mean?"

"Do you love me or not?"

"I- yes, James, I do."

His face lit up in the most wonderful smile she had ever seen. "So we're-?"

She kissed him to shut him up.

oOo

Meanwhile, Sirius was staring down at Remus' essay. "I'm not straight," he muttered.

"I can see that." He looked up to see Remus smiling at him. "Sure keep those emotions bottled up, eh, Pads?"

"Moony…" Sirius moved closer to his friend. "…Do you…?"

"Yes," Remus replied firmly. "I love you, Sirius."

"But I'm…"

The teenager cupped Sirius' face in his hands. "You deserve love, Padfoot. And don't you ever say you don't."

Sirius placed his hands around Remus, eyes welling up against his will. "I love you, too."

And then they kissed, just because they knew what love was.


	2. chapter 2

**AN: I present to thee…the essays! Enjoy!**

 **The disclaimer is in the first chapter, but just so you know, I don't own anything.**

oOo

 **I don't know what love is.**

 **I realize most people would write some bullshit about their fucking perfect families and how much they all bloody love each other but that's not how my family works. I hate them, from my cruel father to the last psychopathic cousin. They're all inbred racist bastards. No, I loathe them. The only people I could relate to are gone. Andy's moved on, good for her. And Uncle Alphard is dead. I suspect that murderer of my father killed him for the money. But ha, it all went to me, that asshole.**

 **But I know about my friends. I know about James, a smile almost constantly on his face, his laugh infectious. We are troublemakers, best friends, brothers. I know about Lily, though she is not a Marauder yet - mark my words, Prongs will get her - and how her days are broken up by restless nights, like mine, and how she can urge a conversation toward us at 2am that leaves both of us relaxed rather than fearfully facing our nightmares alone. I know Peter, who we made a Marauder not because he tags along, but because he is our friend. And my Remus, I know my Remus, with his vague scent of chocolate and his shaggy hair and how he has to go through hell and back again once a month and doesn't deserve it because he is perfect. My Moony, who I would give my life to protect, who saw me attempt to take it with a silver, blood-stained knife and didn't yell, just held me and told me I didn't need to, because I had my friends. I told him about the bruise on my jaw, about the phrase carved into my back, about the punishment and the home I didn't want to call that. Now I realize I may be in love with the kind werewolf and his amber, gold-flecked eyes and his soft skin and his beautiful voice. They gave me love, and I try to give some back, I try to deserve it.**

 **Please, whoever's reading this, don't mess with my family. I ran away; I'm well shot of that fucking hellhole. The Blacks are dangerous people.**

 **I don't even know what to do about Reg. I thought I hated him, but how can I when its not his fault? He was born to adapt; I was born to stand out. The bastard, he could have. He's just a bloody coward. But he fashioned a mask and hid behind it until that mask blended into him, and I could not tell what was skin and what was metal. So how can I hate my brother? How can I love him?**

 **But maybe, in the end, I do know a bit about love, because I know a bit about my friends.**

oOo

There is a quote from Elizabeth Browning that says, "Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."

I don't know if I can say much else; I have spent my whole life attempting to be accepted, afraid of the repercussions if I was, tired of being shunned. It wasn't love, wasn't friendship. Mother does love me, but Father seems more scared, however much he attempts to hide it. Scared of who I am. And I am too. 

But then I met James and Sirius and Peter and Lily. The Marauders help me in a way no one else can; they are there for me. And Lily is too, waiting in the hospital wing after the full moon with the others. 

James accepted me first, without a doubt. Peter is always close by, always helping with it a second thought. Lily can tell if I want to talk, can tell if I'd rather stay silent. And Sirius, he protects me with his life. He doesn't seem to care much about it, but he doesn't throw away his trust, doesn't throw away his love. And maybe I do love him, with his daredevil ways and soft heart and wonderful smile. 

That's all I can say about love; I could say more about Sirius, but proclaiming most likely unrequited love for my straight best mate might take up endless pieces of parchment, and it would amount to nothing if not a fail in my DADA NEWT. Strangely, I can't bring myself to care.

But I have loved, and I have been loved back, and I feel that is sufficient to say.

oOo

 _I can't explain what love is; it is a feeling, one that wraps around you slowly, and hits you suddenly, but that is all I am able to say._

 _I know the secret glances, the subtle touches; I can tell before those two even get their heads around it. But I can only try and explain it in words, and I have no idea how Remus and Sirius are faring._

 _So here it is: Love is not the huge, drawn-out proclamations, or the meaningless, recited poems. No, love is the little things; the special smile, the way someone knows how you like your coffee in the mornings, the small notes you get everyday that say "I love you" just to remind you that that person doesn't take you in vain._

 _Love is the shout at a Quidditch match before they score: "this is for you!" It is ingrained in our lives, in every day we live and laugh and fight. In every day we look at each other, and I wonder how his head deflated just for me._

 _I look and I wonder if what I see is love._

oOo

How the hell am I supposed to answer this thing?

What is love? What kind of question is that?

When I think of love, all I can think of is Lily Evans. Her smile, her laugh, her emerald eyes that know everything without being told. I love her spirit, which is like fire. And if it is fire, then I am already burned all over.

I miss her every second we're not together, so I try and not act like the "great prat" she says I am.

Of course there are my friends. I love them too, just not in the way that I do Lily. Because Lily is a beautiful gem, and I don't have enough words to describe her rightfully.

Maybe I'll just leave it as this: I love her. And I know I'm going to fail this, but I don't give a shit because I LOVE LILY.


End file.
